Top 10 rules for parents

So since I found out that the Baby Einstein thing was all a big scam, I’ve been thinking about what I would tell new parents (if asked, that is.  I try really hard – not always successfully – not to give unsolicited advice.)
So here are my “rules” for parenting, for if anyone is interested:
1. Relax. [...]

I want my money back

Oh, crap. All those Baby Einstein videos I bought aren’t going to guarantee David’s admission to Harvard? Oops – guess I’ve been duped.
(David who rarely wears a shirt unless he’s leaving the house)
I think Emma was about five when I realized that there’s a reason why most kids don’t get into Harvard, and it’s not [...]

Dear David, I’m sorry

Dear David,
Please accept my sincere apologies for the fact that I did not collect your tooth and leave money last night.  I can only imagine your heart-rending sobs this morning when you looked under you pillow and discovered that your tooth was still there.  There’s so little in life you can really count on, and [...]

Spinning the plates

One thing I’ve come to realize over the past few months is that people worry about me when I’m not blogging regularly. If a week goes by with no new posts, I start to get emails from friends and family asking if I’m okay.  Which is nice. It makes me feel cared for. And like [...]

A list of things I can’t do

1. Fix a balloon animal when it starts to fall apart, or unwind, or whatever it is that balloon animals do when they stop being the shape that the balloon animal man created. 
2. Go back in time and make things be different. (As in, BUT I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO CUT MY SANDWICH!!!!!) (But won’t [...]

Things I learned this Labor Day weekend

1. A blue Sharpie in the hands of a 3-year-old is a very bad thing.
2. Blue Sharpie does not come out of tan Berber carpeting, although Mr. Clean Magic Eraser makes it less noticeable.
3. Blue Sharpie does not come off Mac keyboards.
4. When using a wet Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to try to clean a [...]

The hardest part

The hardest part about adjusting to kindergarten is not the new routine. It’s not all the new kids and the new teacher (Ms. Weigel, whom David refers to as “Miss Waggle.”) It’s not remembering the backpack every day (although I confess that I forgot to check the backpack on Friday and therefore didn’t realize that [...]

School days, school days

My sweet, beautiful boy.  My David. Almost 6. Clinging to my leg for dear life, not noticing that all the other kindergartners are together in line and all the other parents are lined up against the wall.  ”But Mom, I want to stay home with you.”  (This boy who’s been in full-time care since he [...]

Take good care of my baby

Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake.
Margaret has been driving me crazy all weekend. Oppositional. Defiant. Whiny.  The worst of the “3″ behavior.
I was thisclose to selling her to the gypsies. And then I remembered.
She’s going to pre-school on Monday.  
And my independent, bossy, fearless, take-no-prisoners, smart-as-a-whip, you-build-it-and I’ll- knock it-down little girl is [...]

Everyone in this house needs to calm down

I actually uttered that phrase this morning.  Here’s a list of other things I said before 8:30 this morning:
1. You need to go find something to do.
2. Do you want me to put a kids’ show on?
3. We don’t crumple the New York Times.
4. Margaret, stop playing with my phone.
5. Yes, David, we can take [...]