What do the swine flu and broken escalators have in common?

There’s nothing that freaks me out more than the words “global pandemic.” (Deep breaths, deep breaths.) It freaks me out so much, in fact, that I’m tempted to stop reading newspapers, watching television or surfing the net (and putting my hands over my ears and chanting “la la la” really loud) so that I can avoid thinking about it.  I hope that the CDC and Baxter Healthcare know what they’re doing, and can avoid a major global catastrophe. Notgoingtothinkaboutitnotgoingtothinkaboutit…

But the swine flu headlines got me thinking about other things that freak me out:

1. Snakes. Even non-poisonous ones. I try to avoid that section of the Shedd Aquarium, and if I have to go into it with the kids, I walk with my eyes straight ahead so that I don’t see anything in the cases.

2. Worms. Just little tiny snakes, in my book.

3. Any sort of mechanical thing that has an “out of order” sign on it or otherwise appears to be broken. This can be toilets, showers, escalators, elevators. Doesn’t matter. I have no idea where this fear comes from.

4. Ferrets. Anything that can squeeze itself into really tiny spaces…freaky.

5. Armageddon, the Book of Revelation, or anything that mentions Nostradamus.  Thankfully, I’ve modified my religious beliefs so that I don’t believe the Book of Revelation to be factual, and I don’t believe that Nostradamus was all that. But Armageddon still freaks me out.

6. Anything by Steven King or any movie where the devil inhabits people. (Probably related to number 5.)

Anyone have any really interesting or strange things that freak you out?

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3 Comments

Filed under Current Events

3 responses to “What do the swine flu and broken escalators have in common?

  1. Mary Austin

    Ok Deb, I’m going to come out of the closet here and tell you that I am absolutely convinced that I am going to die from eating chicken. I know it’s irrational and that our mothers probably never washed their hands after preparing chicken but everytime I eat it I know I am going to die within 6 hours. When I pass the 6 hour mark I feel I have dodged a bullet – for this time only. And the next bite of chicken will kill me. I don’t eat beef so I don’t have a lot of choices. My kids love it and I don’t think they will die from it – just me. Go figure.

    Mary

  2. Maria!

    1. Fire. Even controlled fire.
    2. People who think animals are less than human–like my neighbor who keeps their dog outside 24/7 WITH NO SHELTER; like the people who abandon pets when they move away from a place; like the bound-for-hell walking pieces of shit who throw little dogs from speeding cars and bags of kittens into creeks.
    3. Ditto on the snake thing. There’s one piece of the food chain that the world could have done without.
    4. Putting on sunscreen and then getting sandy. For that matter, sand period. Beaches should be paved over! 🙂
    5. Each hideous new sign of getting old that I discover somewhere on my body every day…and the thought of all that is still to come.
    6. The thought of my mom dying. Not acceptable!! Do you hear me, universe?? NOT acceptable!!

  3. Margaret

    1) Flying — even though I do it
    2) Any insect with lots of legs and/or able to move fast (millipedes, silverfish, cave crickets (or sprickets as we called them in Richmond because they are like a cross between a spider and a cricket)
    3) Jellyfish and stingrays (but I’m not afraid of sharks)
    4) LIVE chickens — always afraid they’ll peck me
    5) Driving over a cigarette that someone has thrown out of the car in front of me. I always get shivers up and down my spine when I do that.
    6) Bungee jumping. Not the height part of it, but that fact that I will be the one in a million person whose ankle strap breaks.
    7) Riding in a hot air balloon — almost everyone I know who’s done it has had a bad experience
    8) Any sport that involves a hard ball coming at me fast. Those of you who grew up with me know this to be fact since I flunked KICK BALL on purpose, and cannot play baseball, softball, tennis, or dodge ball. I will, however, play shuttlecock, as long as we don’t keep score.

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