My dad would be 94 years old today. In honor of his birthday, I’m remembering some of my favorite Bob Maue quotes:
1. If you keep watching Batman, you’re going to turn into a moron.
2. Why don’t you play it slowly until you learn it, and then you can play it fast?
3. Take the spoon out of that glass, or you’re going to put your eye out.
4. (In “sympathy” for my falling down the stairs): If you didn’t wear such dumb shoes, that wouldn’t happen.
5. (Also in “sympathy” for my falling down the stairs): If you wouldn’t come down the stairs in your stocking feet, that wouldn’t happen.
6. The sun is over the yard-arm. (Meaning it’s past 5:00, and therefore, cocktail time.)
7. If that guy had a propeller on his head, he could fly. (Said about a certain former pastor of our church, who will remain nameless out of respect.)
8. In response to my mom’s question, “If Ann-Margret came to the front door and asked you to run away with her, would you go?”: I’d have to think about it.
9. Jesus Christ, why can’t you let the clutch out slowly? (After about 5 stalls in a row, as I was learning to drive a stick shift in the Knoebel’s parking lot.)
10. While you’re up, get me a beer, would you?
I miss you, Daddy.